Just Sarin

the old joke about how a kid preferred to identify his dad as a male
stripper rather than as an employee of accenture - now applied post
the satyam scandal...

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: GAGAN SURYAVANSHI

Reams and reams have been written about Satyam now, but this is a
humourous one..

Courtesy: Hindustan Times, Manas Chankravarty.

By all accounts, Satyam ex-chairman Ramalinga Raju is having a
rollicking time in Chanchalguda jail. His popularity among the
inmates, all of whom are in awe of a man who can make Rs 7,000 crore
disappear, knows no bounds. "Some of us affectionately call him by his
nickname Scamalinga," said a petty thief, "But most just call him
Gurudev."

Reports have come in that Raju had 20 idlis for breakfast, five plates
of rice and a bucket of rasam for lunch and 25 chapatis with two
chickens for dinner. But the jail superintendent says these numbers
are inflated. "You see, the habit is so deeply ingrained in Raju that
he automatically inflates all figures," he added. Incidentally, his
cellmate Srinivas Vadlamani, Satyam's ex-chief financial officer who
has denied all knowledge of wrongdoing, said he didn't know whether he
had any meals. "I am not aware whether I had breakfast, lunch or
dinner," he said. "Am I in jail?" he asked.

Meanwhile, insiders say that Raju has decided to teach accountancy in
order to impart his skills to a receptive audience. "I'm really
excited at the prospect of being taught by such a master," said a
murderer serving a life sentence. "My problem has been that I don't
know where to hide the bodies," he explained, "I'm sure that a guy who
can hide Rs 7,000 crore for so many years can easily hide a score of
bodies."

A stream of visitors has also been arriving at the jail, all wanting
to meet Srinivas Vadlamani. Inquiries revealed they were promoters of
companies, eager to have him on their boards. "Where will I get such
an ideal chief financial officer?" asked a person who said he was CEO
of a company called Black Hole Ltd.

Even the jail superintendent says he is extremely happy with Raju. "He
is a financial genius," he exclaimed. He said Raju had outlined a
scheme that could save the jail a huge amount of money. "Raju
explained that all I needed to do was to allow the inmates to choose
their own guards. He said these guards would cost a fraction of the
current salary being paid to jail warders. I was a little hesitant
about prisoners choosing their own jailers at first, but relented when
Raju said that it was exactly the same thing with companies — they all
appoint their own auditors and nobody complains."

Incidentally, even the Naxalite prisoners lodged in the jail are very
happy with Raju. "We have been working for decades to overthrow
capitalism, with no effect," said their ringleader. "And then Comrade
Raju comes along and wrecks the system from within, giving Indian
capitalism a resounding blow." "We're electing him to the party's
central committee," he added.

But Raju is unlikely to take up the offer. He has a job offer from
Nigeria to run the huge network that sends scam emails to people
promising to transfer billions of dollars lying in unclaimed money to
them once they give their bank account numbers and a small advance
payment. Unconfirmed reports say that to make the schemes look
authentic they're thinking of asking accounting firm Pricewaterhouse
to certify them.

Others say Raju is exploring a lucrative option in a related field.
"He's thinking of becoming a godman," said a source, "Which is why he
is reading religious books." Some also say that Raju is being paid a
fat advance for a novel based on his Satyam swindle. "It's clear he
has plenty of experience of writing fiction," pointed out a publisher.

And lastly, in a curious but related incident, teachers at a
prestigious school in Hyderabad were shocked when young Bunty Reddy of
class 5B told his class-teacher that his father was a male bar dancer.
Investigations revealed, however, that his dad was actually an
independent director on the boards of several companies. "In the
circumstances, it's natural for the child to be ashamed of his
parent," said the principal, "And that's why he tried to pass his dad
off as a male stripper."