Just Sarin

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Anupam Garg

A local newspaper (in England) ran a competition asking for a rhyme
with the most romantic first line... But the least romantic second
line.

Here are some of the entries they received.

*********

My feelings for you no words can tell,

Except for maybe " go to hell "

*********

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, and so are you.

But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's
empty and so is your head.

*********

Oh loving beauty you float with grace

If only you could hide your face

*********

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot;

This describes everything you are not

*********

I want to feel your sweet embrace

But don't take that paper bag off of your face

*********

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes -

Damn, I'm good at telling lies !

*********

I see your face when I am dreaming.

That's why I always wake up screaming

*********

My love, you take my breath away.

What have you stepped on to smell this way

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Anupam Garg

Truth-bytes!

"Satyam", this word was never so much in the news in India, since
Zeenat Aman danced to the number "Satyam Shivam Sundaram"

After knowing so many people getting depressed by the whole Satyam
fiasco, it seems the only people who made money were the
anti-depressant manufacturers.

The saga left politicians dumbfounded because they had never come
across someone who could tell a bigger lie than them.

Pakistanis didn't have a say on this till now as they took time to
figure out the number of zeroes in seven thousand crores.

If some reports are to be believed, BSP and RJD have already
approached Raju with tickets for the upcoming assembly polls and have
given him choice to choose his constituency.

The CID unearthed that MAYTAS, was actually SATYAM spelled in
opposite, so they are trying to figure out different permutation &
combinations with S, A, T, Y, A, M. to get more leads. Till I wrote
this piece, they've already found out that there is a company called
TASMAY and are cross verifying its balance sheets.

While Amul was at its best in putting up a Billboard which said
"Utterly Butterly Malicious"

Politicians and flashy industrialists are never short of opinions;
let's have a look at some:

Mr Ambani has come out saying that Raju never contacted me or I would
have helped him with manipulating accounts.

Aamir Khan has already tattooed his forehead which reads "DON'T BUY
SATYAM SHARES"

Ram Gopal Varma visited the Satyam office in Hyderabad going on with
his habit of visiting the "affected site" but for a change he didn't
have Vilasrao Deshmukh to accompany him. But as soon as Barkha Dutt
saw him, she started yelling on the mike making allegations that he
wanted to make a movie on Satyam.

Mr. Raj Thackeray has already announced that he would not let
Ramalinga Raju step inside Mumbai, even if that was Arthur Road Jail.
If police still try to do so, his followers will pelt stones on the
Jail. He has also called for quota for the "marathi manoos" in scams
occurring henceforth.

Narendra Modi is not happy on the issue because it's not a Gujju after
Harshad Mehta and Ketan Parekh who has rocked the stock market.

Our PM Manmohan Singh has condemned the episode in strongest possible
words, he said, "We will punish the guilty" When the reporter asked
the President's view, he took 5 minutes to recollect the President's
name and said, "I think she is on a foreign tour, so we will wait till
she comes back."

He vows to make sure that the company keeps running as he wants to
abide by our emblem "Satyamev Jayate"

*Disclaimer: This is a satire. Take it with a pinch of salt!

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: GAGAN SURYAVANSHI

Reams and reams have been written about Satyam now, but this is a
humourous one..

Courtesy: Hindustan Times, Manas Chankravarty.

By all accounts, Satyam ex-chairman Ramalinga Raju is having a
rollicking time in Chanchalguda jail. His popularity among the
inmates, all of whom are in awe of a man who can make Rs 7,000 crore
disappear, knows no bounds. "Some of us affectionately call him by his
nickname Scamalinga," said a petty thief, "But most just call him
Gurudev."

Reports have come in that Raju had 20 idlis for breakfast, five plates
of rice and a bucket of rasam for lunch and 25 chapatis with two
chickens for dinner. But the jail superintendent says these numbers
are inflated. "You see, the habit is so deeply ingrained in Raju that
he automatically inflates all figures," he added. Incidentally, his
cellmate Srinivas Vadlamani, Satyam's ex-chief financial officer who
has denied all knowledge of wrongdoing, said he didn't know whether he
had any meals. "I am not aware whether I had breakfast, lunch or
dinner," he said. "Am I in jail?" he asked.

Meanwhile, insiders say that Raju has decided to teach accountancy in
order to impart his skills to a receptive audience. "I'm really
excited at the prospect of being taught by such a master," said a
murderer serving a life sentence. "My problem has been that I don't
know where to hide the bodies," he explained, "I'm sure that a guy who
can hide Rs 7,000 crore for so many years can easily hide a score of
bodies."

A stream of visitors has also been arriving at the jail, all wanting
to meet Srinivas Vadlamani. Inquiries revealed they were promoters of
companies, eager to have him on their boards. "Where will I get such
an ideal chief financial officer?" asked a person who said he was CEO
of a company called Black Hole Ltd.

Even the jail superintendent says he is extremely happy with Raju. "He
is a financial genius," he exclaimed. He said Raju had outlined a
scheme that could save the jail a huge amount of money. "Raju
explained that all I needed to do was to allow the inmates to choose
their own guards. He said these guards would cost a fraction of the
current salary being paid to jail warders. I was a little hesitant
about prisoners choosing their own jailers at first, but relented when
Raju said that it was exactly the same thing with companies — they all
appoint their own auditors and nobody complains."

Incidentally, even the Naxalite prisoners lodged in the jail are very
happy with Raju. "We have been working for decades to overthrow
capitalism, with no effect," said their ringleader. "And then Comrade
Raju comes along and wrecks the system from within, giving Indian
capitalism a resounding blow." "We're electing him to the party's
central committee," he added.

But Raju is unlikely to take up the offer. He has a job offer from
Nigeria to run the huge network that sends scam emails to people
promising to transfer billions of dollars lying in unclaimed money to
them once they give their bank account numbers and a small advance
payment. Unconfirmed reports say that to make the schemes look
authentic they're thinking of asking accounting firm Pricewaterhouse
to certify them.

Others say Raju is exploring a lucrative option in a related field.
"He's thinking of becoming a godman," said a source, "Which is why he
is reading religious books." Some also say that Raju is being paid a
fat advance for a novel based on his Satyam swindle. "It's clear he
has plenty of experience of writing fiction," pointed out a publisher.

And lastly, in a curious but related incident, teachers at a
prestigious school in Hyderabad were shocked when young Bunty Reddy of
class 5B told his class-teacher that his father was a male bar dancer.
Investigations revealed, however, that his dad was actually an
independent director on the boards of several companies. "In the
circumstances, it's natural for the child to be ashamed of his
parent," said the principal, "And that's why he tried to pass his dad
off as a male stripper."

adding to the satyam jokes :-P

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Rajat Gupta

Three world famous magicians were in the bar drinking and boasting
about their achievements.

The first one said," During my latest show, I made three women from
the audience disappear, it was so convincing that their relatives
started panicking, no one could find the trick"

The second one said, " Hey, that is nothing, during one of my open air
shows I made the Municipality building disappear and the entire town
was searching for it"

The third one sighed and said," Both of you are so local, I went to
Paris and made the Eiffel Tower disappear for a full one hour, it was
live on the TV, entire France was searching for the building & no one
had a clue".

Just then an Indian walked into the bar and the three magicians
suddenly turned quiet, gave each other fugitive glances and started to
slip towards the door.

A Bartender watching this got curious and asked one of the magicians,
"Hey what happened ? Who is that guy ? "

One of the magicians whispered, "He is the World's greatest magician,
he has done the biggest disappearing trick of all times, we are all
mere amateurs compared with what he has done. His name is Ramalinga
Raju. He has made USD 1.5 billion disappear from his company's balance
sheet in front of everyone's eyes, and the entire world is still
looking for it"

check out the video at the bottom of the page...

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Anupam Garg

Raju Raju sat on the wall
Raju Raju had a great fall
Balance sheet died
Shareholders cried
Raju Raju made a fraud
------------------------------------------------------------
Raju Raju
Yes baba
Cheating us
No baba
Telling Lies
No baba
Open the balance sheet
HA HA HA
---------------------------------------------------------
Raju's new movie – Satyam Shivam Scandalam
--------------------------------------------------------------
Raju Da Dhaba

Our Specialty
· Chicken Liability Makhani
· Chicken Understated Tangadi
· Fantasy Samosa Receivables
· Hyderabadi Continental Segregated Biryani
· Debt Pakoda
· Inflated Omelets
· Overstated Butter Naan

Chief Guest – Spicewater Inc.

source: bloomberg
+------------------------------------------------------------------------------+

Hustler's Larry Flynt and Girls Gone Wild CEO Joe Francis Ask for Government
Bailout of the Adult Entertainment Industry

The $13 Billion Industry Is In No Fear Of Collapse, But Why Take Chances?

LOS ANGELES, Jan. 7 /PRNewswire/ -- As the 2009 AVN Adult Expo opens in
Las Vegas this week, Girls Gone Wild CEO Joe Francis and HUSTLER magazine
publisher Larry Flynt are petitioning the newly convened 111th Congress to
provide a financial bailout for the adult entertainment industry along the
lines of what is being sought by the Big Three automakers, a spokesperson
for Francis announced today.

Adult industry leaders Flynt and Francis sent a joint request to Congress
asking for $5 billion in federal assistance, "Just to see us through hard
times," Francis said. "Congress seems willing to help shore up our
nation's most important businesses, we feel we deserve the same
consideration. In difficult economic times, Americans turn to
entertainment for relief. More and more, the kind of entertainment they
turn to is adult entertainment."

But according to Flynt the recession has acted like a national cold
shower. "People are too depressed to be sexually active," Flynt says,
"This is very unhealthy as a nation. Americans can do without cars and
such but they cannot do without sex."

While not to the degree felt by banks and automakers, the Adult
Entertainment industry has been hit by the effects of the economic
downturn. DVD sales and rentals have decreased by 22 percent in the past
year as viewers turn to the internet for adult entertainment. It is
estimated that roughly half of all internet users visit adult sites, with
the number of unique visitors to adult websites (including
GirlsGoneWild.com and Hustler.com) has grown to more than 75 million per
month.

But the "saltpeter" effect remains.

"With all this economic misery and people losing all that money, sex is
the farthest thing from their mind," Flynt says, "It's time for congress
to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America. The only way they can do
this is by supporting the adult industry and doing it quickly."

"The popularity of adult entertainment in America has grown steadily for
the past half century," Francis says. "Its emergence into the mainstream
of popular culture suggests that the US government should actively support
the adult industry's survival and growth, just as it feels the need to
support any other industry cherished by the American people."

one of the best answers - he was too busy shorting the stock, to be
able to write and send the letter. :-)

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Vivek Sachdev

To find inner peace this new year, finish the things you started !
I finished the vodka, rum, bacardi, some red wine and you have no idea how
peaceful I am now.
Have a wonderful 2009 :-)

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Aditya Gandhi

http://www.counterpunch.org/weissman12292008.html

I am sure there is the other side to each of these stories as well but
an interesting collation non the less

links below:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/04/04/AR2007040401721.html
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/discussion/2007/04/06/DI2007040601228.html

story further...
---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Sonam Donkar

Where has time gone ???????????

A Violinist in the Metro

A man sat at a metro station in Washington DC and started to play the
violin; it was a cold January morning. He played six Bach pieces for
about 45 minutes. During that time, since it was rush hour, it was
calculated that thousand of people went through the station, most of
them on their way to work.

Three minutes went by and a middle aged man noticed there was musician
playing. He slowed his pace and stopped for a few seconds and then
hurried up to meet his schedule.

A minute later, the violinist received his first dollar tip: a woman
threw the money in the till and without stopping continued to walk.

A few minutes later, someone leaned against the wall to listen to him,
but the man looked at his watch and started to walk again. Clearly he
was late for work.

The one who paid the most attention was a 3 year old boy. His mother
tagged him along, hurried but the kid stopped to look at the
violinist. Finally the mother pushed hard and the child continued to
walk turning his head all the time. This action was repeated by
several other children. All the parents, without exception, forced
them to move on.

In the 45 minutes the musician played, only 6 people stopped and
stayed for a while. About 20 gave him money but continued to walk
their normal pace. He collected $32. When he finished playing and
silence took over, no one noticed it. No one applauded, nor was there
any recognition.

No one knew this but the violinist was Joshua Bell, one of the best
musicians in the world. He played one of the most intricate pieces
ever written with a violin worth 3.5 million dollars.

Two days before his playing in the subway, Joshua Bell sold out at a
theater in Boston and the seats average $100.

This is a real story. Joshua Bell playing incognito in the metro
station was organized by the Washington Post as part of an social
experiment about perception, taste and priorities of people. The
outlines were: in a commonplace environment at an inappropriate hour:
Do we perceive beauty? Do we stop to appreciate it? Do we recognize
the talent in an unexpected context?

One of the possible conclusions from this experience could be:

If we do not have a moment to stop and listen to one of the best
musicians in the world playing the best music ever written, how many
other things are we missing?